OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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