That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
