I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
