Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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