All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
