So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
PANTIES FOUND
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