Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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