I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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