just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
