I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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