I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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