I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
