I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
