I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
