sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
