I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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