There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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