Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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