I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
3pm strippers are depressing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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