shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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