Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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