There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
