My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
