even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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