My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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