I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
