my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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