After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry about my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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