Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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