Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
