TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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