Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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