Already got asked if we're dating
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
