Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
