Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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