I wish I only lived at night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
