Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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