there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
