i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
