idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
