it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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