Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So squirting runs in the family.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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