Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
