every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
