no, he came in my armpit
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
