I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No subtext here. People are naked.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize