i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
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Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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