I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
