I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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