I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
