Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My pussy is not your playground.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Come on in and take your pants off
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