Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize