I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
