i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
