He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
