First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
