I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize