We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
