I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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