ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
