Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
