I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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