First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
