I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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