Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
