It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
