i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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