Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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