She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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