I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
