why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Man, jail baloney is awful.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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