dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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