Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
