I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
